Holly

By Chrissy

Part 1

“Bleep, Bleep.” It was 5:00am. Blurry eyed, she stumbled out of her warm, cosy bed. She dreaded the earlier shift, which forced her to abandon her bed for work at the hospital. Even the night shifts were better in her opinion, at least she could sleep during the day but with earlys she could never get to sleep in the early evening.

It was a small hospital compared to Holby but it still had an A&E department. She enjoyed her work there. Most of the staff could speak fluent English and she knew enough German to get by with the patients she saw daily. Anyway she had learnt the language more because she had been living on the outskirts of Frankfurt for roughly 6 months now.

Holly smoothed her hand over the growing bump on her stomach. There was just less than three months to go now until the baby was due. To Holly’s surprise nobody here had asked questions about the father although she could tell they wanted to. She was the only one who knew who he was, he didn’t even know himself. She had left in far too much of a hurry to be able to tell him properly. Tears began to well up in her eyes remembering her life back then so she put all thoughts of Holby to the very back of her mind where hopeful she would not discover them for a further 6 months.

Being careful not to get her hair wet, she quickly showered and pulled on some clothes and brushed her long, light brown hair. After she had tied it back with a blue bobble she went into the kitchen for breakfast. She knew she should eat a correct breakfast now because of they baby but it still seemed to early in the morning. She would grab something more substantial later at work. As she munched on a cereal bar she grabbed her bag and left for the hospital.

At 5:55am Holly was in the A&E department ready for her shift. She slung a stethoscope round she neck and clipped her name badge to her blouse as she exited the staff room. As she wandered into reception she could see it was practically empty with only a few chairs occupied. A woman stood at reception holding a bloody hand to her forehead. Katrin, the receptionist was taking her name. A three-year old girl stood at her mother’s side tugging on her coat and screaming.

“The joys of mother hood,” Holly thought. “Right better get to work.”

Her first patient was an elderly man with a fractured arm. After she had sent him to X-ray to confirm the break Holly got one of the nurses to put a cast on it and she went to deal with another patient.

The shift plodded on until around 10:30am when a call came through that a young, pregnant woman was being brought as a victim from an RTA. She had collided with a 19 year old motor cyclist and was badly injured. She, like Holly, was 6 months pregnant.

“Are you sure you will be OK dealing with this one Holly?” asked a colleague when the call came through.

“Yep sure, I’ll be fine.” She replied confidently.

Part 2

The ambulance was only 5 minutes away and soon they were unloading the woman and wheeling her in to resus on the trolley. She was screaming with pain and was desperate not to lose the baby.

“This is Gabi, aged 28, involved in a major RTA. Has severe chest injuries, query tension neumo thorax and she is 26 weeks pregnant.” The paramedics called out in German. Holly only just managed to translate it all.

“Gabi, I’m Dr Holly Miles. Can you tell me the pain is?” She questioned calmly.

“I can’t breathe. My stomach. Please don’t let me lose the baby!” Gabi begged.

“We will do all we can, OK? We will organise an ultrasound as soon as possible to check everything is alright.”

The ultrasound was almost immediate. It revealed serious internal damage. They would have to do a caesarean straight away. Holly was beginning to find things difficult.

“Gabi, you have some bad injuries that mean your baby will have to be born right now. We will have to perform a caesarean section down here because all the theatres are full. Can we call anyone to be here with you?” Holly asked a frantic Gabi.

“No there is nobody. The baby’s father is dead.” She whispered. “Please just help my baby.”

A few minutes later the procedure was underway. After 10 to 15 minutes a tiny baby boy was delivered. Holy stared at him with watery eyes. He lay there helplessly, not able to breathe for himself. She could hear the anxious mother behind her calling for her premature child. Tears filled Holly’s hazel eyes for the second time that day and she was forced to leave the room.

Outside it was beginning to rain. Holly leaned against the hospital wall as patients trailed in and out of the building oblivious to her. Tomas, one of Holly’s close friends came out and stood beside her.

“Are you all right?” he asked in near perfect English.

“Yes, I just couldn’t face seeing that baby knowing that he may not survive and then his mother will have no-one because her husband is dead. Tomas, the baby wasn’t breathing.” She sobbed.

“I know, I know,” he said softly trying to comfort her. ”He is on a ventilator. You have to think positively Holly. He is getting the best care we….”

“…. can give him. Yes I know,” she said finishing his sentence for him. “I don’t want it to be like that for me. I want the father of my baby to know about his child.” She paused. ”I still love him Tomas,” confessed Holly.

Part 3

“Tell me about him.” Tomas requested as they moved towards a nearby bench. As they sat down holly began to tell him about her and Patrick, the father of her baby.

“Well we first met in med school, about 9 years ago now.” She told the whole story, not missing out any detail. She explained what happened when they met in Holby again and how they had ignored each other. Then about Ed and how he had reappeared at the hospital. She also told him about Tom stalking her and how at first she had thought it was Patrick. She explained about the night she had spent in the dis-used ward at Holby and how Patrick had saved her. She had never confessed these feelings to anyone before.

“It is obvious you still love him Holly. You need to tell him how you feel and about your child, his child.” Said Tomas eventually.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me? There could be someone else now.”

“What are you so scared of? If he doesn’t want to know you have other friends and family back in England.”

“I’m worried how he will react. He might reject me.”

“Will you stop making excuses and go and tell him how you feel?”

“I’ll think about it.” Holly said giving Tomas a hug. They stood up and the pair made their way back inside the A&E department.

The key turned in the lock and Holly burst through he door of the flat. Dropping her bag on the mat, she picked up the post and flicked through the pile. There was nothing interesting so she dropped it all on to the table and went through to the living room.

By 9:00pm that night Holly had arranged some leave from work and a flight to Holby that weekend. She watched the news and at 9:30pm she was ready for bed.

Part 4

The next morning, once again, Holly dragged herself out of bed. A smile spread across her face. In four days time she was going to England to see Patrick. This time she wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way. She needed to tell him how she felt. She got dressed quickly, and this morning, she stopped to eat a normal breakfast because she was in such a good mood. She arrived earlier at work and met Tomas on the way in to reception.

“So you’ve thought about it then?” he said immediately, startling her.

“Sorry, Oh yes. I suppose Maria told you then.”

“She sure did. I’m glad you want to tell him.”

“So am I. I’ve put it off for ages. I don’t really like to show my true feelings.” Admitted Holly.

“I’ve noticed. Do you want me to see you off on Saturday?”

“Yes please, I’m going to need someone to wish me luck. “ She replied.

“You will be fine and I you don’t want to stay in Holby then you have plenty of friends who would love to have you back here I’m sure.”

“Hopefully I won’t have to come back apart from when I come to show you the baby.”

Maria, Tomas and Holly’s boss, walked up to them as they stood in the corridor talking.

“I hope you two aren’t going to stand gossiping all day.” She said.

“No, I was just about to go to the staff room.” Explained Holly.

Tomas disappeared of to triage to see to his patients and Maria followed Holly into the staff room.

Maria sat down on a chair and questioned her colleague about the incident in resus the previous day. Holly answered the questions calmly. Maria was checking if Holly was OK to carry on working or whether she wanted her leave to be extended to this week.

“If I didn’t know better I would think you were trying to get rid of me.” Holly joked.

“Not at all. I’m just worried about you and the baby. You should be looking after yourself now.”

Holly made her excuses and left. She didn’t want a lecture about looking after the baby. She wanted to get on with her life.

Part 5

Holly had been assigned to the minor’s section of the department for the rest of her time in the hospital after what had happened with Gabi and her son. The other staff believed that she wouldn’t be able to cope with any major cases so soon.

She had treated a small child who had a splinter under their nail. Her father had brought her in because she wouldn’t show him what had happened. Other patients had included an elderly woman with a broken hip and a man with breathing difficulties. Holly was glad when her last shift grew to an end. It was getting tedious and boring seeing the same sort of cases over and over again. “It’s hardly life saving stuff is it?” She thought.

As her last shift ended all she could think of was seeing Patrick. She tried hard not to think about the things that could have happened since she left. Six months had passed, a lot can happen in six months.

Holly entered her flat on Friday evening, her suitcase was packed and in the hallway ready for tomorrows flight. Her hand luggage was still yet to be packed, but a bag lay on a chair next to several items Holly had set aside to take in to the cabin with her. She kicked off her shoes and went through to the kitchen for a glass of water. She settled on the sofa, her feet curled up beneath her, and flicked through a nearby TV magazine. The phone rang and she stretched to grasp it from its position on the arm of the sofa. It was Tomas.

“Hallo Tomas,” she said.

“Hallo, Wie gehts?”

“Gut, und du?”

The conversation continued in German and after 10 minutes. Tomas had persuaded Holly to let him come round for one last meal together to save her cooking. She hadn’t really got the energy but she found herself agreeing after Tomas carried on nagging her. After half an hour the doorbell rang. Holly switched off the TV and clambered off the sofa to let Tomas in. To her surprise she found most of the hospital staff on the doorstep. She let in the stream of people. Tomas had secretly invited Katrin, Maria, Oliver, Michael, Claudia and many more colleagues from the A&E department. Holly found herself close to tears at the sight of so many people there for her. Although she had only been there for six months, she had discovered many close friends.

At 12:15am the party had begun to die down and most people had left. As the last guest passed through the door Holly was definitely ready for bed. She had tided the flat but gave up because of exhaustion.

Holly lay in bed pondering over life. She could feel her baby squirming inside her. What would the future hold for her and her baby? Patrick’s baby. What would his reaction be? He had never wanted children of his own. His didn’t dislike them but he was always ready to hand them back at the end of the day. He may change his opinion though if it was actually his child. If he rejected her again she could cope. She had been on her own for these last six months and she was fine. She had been lonely all these years because of him. She was waiting until Patrick would accept her instead of blanking her out. She remembered that Christmas she had spent with him in the barn. He had opened up to her about his Mum dying and she had been to scared event to admit she was lonely.

Part 6

Tomas arrived at 1:00pm to take Holly to the airport. It didn’t take long but she struggled to fill the time with conversation. She didn’t want to discuss Patrick or the thought of leaving and never seeing her German friends again. They discussed Holly coming back when the baby was born to show it off to all the staff. They talked about names for a while and whether she wanted a boy or a girl.

They arrived at the airport at approximately 1:45pm for her 3:00pm flight to Holby airport. When she had checked in Tomas was called to go back into work. They said their goodbyes and Holly went through to departures. She browsed in the shops and bought some duty free as a present for Patrick.

By 2:57pm Holly was seated on the plane with her hand luggage under the seat in front. The safety procedures were demonstrated to the passengers and then they set off for Holby. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She tried desperately not to think of the flight. She had always hated flying because from an early age she had been scared of heights. She remembered the time she had chickened out of a charity parachute jump years ago because of her phobia. It wasn’t until the plane was properly on its way she relaxed more and fell into a light sleep.

Arrivals was busy. She followed the steady stream of passengers making their way to the baggage claim. She was only waiting at the carousel a few before her suitcase emerged through the flap. She pulled it off the carousel and headed for where her taxi was waiting. She clambered in and she began he short journey to her hotel.

Not long into the journey they spotted an accident on the motorway ahead. The road was closed. From where she was sitting she could see several cars that were badly damaged in the collision. A young police officer was guiding traffic around the area. Holly asked the driver to stop and she clambered out. Because there were no ambulances present at the scene she walked over to the officer to ask if he needed any assistance. The other police men and women were checking the number of casualties.

“Can I help? I’m a doctor.” She said.

They quickly agreed and holly disappeared to seek out her first patient. As she approached the first mangled car she recognised it. As she moved closer she discovered where she had seen it before.

Part 7

She looked once again at the registration plate of the navy blue Porsche. It read D267 YUP.

It was Patrick’s. She began running towards it. She looked through the window and saw his motionless body slumped on the steering wheel. His forehead was bleeding badly. Holly carefully opened the door carefully. He had been knocked unconscious by the crash. There could be more serious internal injuries. She raised her shaking fingers and placed them to his neck.

Patrick had a regular pulse and was still breathing.

“There are some more injured over here.” Yelled a police officer to Holly.

She placed a kiss on Patrick’s head and went to over to another battered car. The first ambulance arrived in a matter of minutes. They dealt with a mother and two young children trapped in their vehicle and Holly went to check on Patrick.

“Patrick can you hear me? Patrick, it’s Holly.” She called.

He began to come round. He lifted his head slowly and turned towards her. There was a large cut on his forehead. It would need stitches.

“Patrick” she called again. ”It’s Holly. Holly Miles.”

“I know who you are.” He replied weakly.

“Thank goodness,” she thought.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just passing. There were no ambulances here so I thought I would check on everyone.”

“No I meant why are you back in England? In Holby?”

Holly heard sirens behind her and she turned to look as Josh and Fin pulled up in an ambulance.

“Holly what are you doing here girl?” asked Fin when he saw her standing by Patrick’s car.

“I needed to come back to Holby before the baby was born. “ Patrick heard what Holly had said and looked up startled.

“When is it due?” Josh asked.

“About three months time.” She replied cheerfully.

She glanced down at Patrick to see if he had noticed anything about the dates. He hadn’t. He was gently touching his head and checking for other injuries.

“Are you going to let me out of the car then?” Patrick questioned Holly who was stood in the way in the doorway of his car.

“We should really check you out properly, Patrick.” Josh butted in.

“There are people more seriously injured than me. Come on, it’s just a couple of cuts and bruises.” He insisted, trying to get out of the car.

“Patrick for once in your life please, take my advice and stay where you are!” exclaimed Holly.

He eventually agreed and when another ambulance arrived Holly walked him too it.

Part 8

Comfort emerged from the back of the ambulance followed by Chloe.

“Patrick, what happened to you?” quired Comfort.

“It’s nothing really, Holly insisted.” Patrick explained.

“Holly wow! What are you doing here?” Chloe exclaimed.

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.”

They arrived back at A&E and Patrick was brought into a cubicle. Charlie who was asking the same question as everyone else; why was she back here? Had caught Holly at reception.

Holly drew back the curtain on cubicle three

“Hey”

“Hey” replied Patrick.

Everyone else seems to be busy so it looks like you have got me.”

“Yeah but you are not a doctor here anymore.”

“It is only a few stitches. If anything goes wrong you can sue me. You will have to go for a scan to check that everything really is OK”

“If I must.” He paused, unsure of what to say next. “Congratulations by the way.” He said eventually.

“What on?” she asked, not looking away from where she was stitching Patrick’s forehead.

“Well the baby of course.” Patrick explained.

Holly said nothing. Eventually she managed a whispered ”Thanks.”

The pair remained silent for several minutes, then they both said at once,

“Holly.”

“Patrick.”

“You first. “ Patrick said.

“No, You, mine can wait.”

“Cheers. This is probably going to sound stupid but why did you need to come back to Holby for your baby?” he quizzed. Holly looked away. There was a long gap and Patrick sensed something was wrong.

“Holly.” He said again softly. He gazed in to her hazel eyes, trying to read her thoughts. Eventually Holly spoke.

“Patrick, this baby isn’t just mine…. it’s yours as well.”

He stared at her.

“But it can’t be. It was months ago.”

“Six to be precise.” Holly said.

“Knock knock.” Chloe called from outside the cubicle. She drew back the curtain and stepped inside. Holly was just finishing the stitches.

“Hi” Holly said when Chloe appeared. “Erm… I’m just going to the loo, see you later.” Holly escaped and disappeared through the doors into reception. Chloe watched her go then turned to Patrick.

“Is she avoiding me or something?” Chloe asked.

“No she just has things on her mind.” Patrick explained.

“Like what?” she persisted.

“Just things.” He said, not wanting to give out too much information before he knew the facts himself.

Part 9

Later on Patrick entered the darkened staff room. Holly looked up only to look straight back down again when she saw who had joined her in the room.

“We really need to talk about this Holly.” Patrick said after he had closed the door behind him and sat down next to Holly.

“There isn’t anything to talk about Patrick. I made a mistake coming back here. I should just go back to Frankfurt.” She got up off the couch and turned to leave. Patrick grabbed her by the arm and pulled her gently back.

“Holly don’t you dare. Don’t you dare leave me again.” He said fighting back the tears. She looked into his watery eyes and sat down again.

A tear escaped from the corner of her own eye as she began to speak.

“I had to tell you about your child even though this is what neither of us really wanted. I would like you to be a proper father to your child in our family but if this isn’t what you want then I won’t mind, I can leave tomorrow and never turn back.”

He sat silently. Once again Holly stood up to exit.

“Don’t go.” he said quietly ”I know that I have never wanted children before but now it is happening to me I think I have changed my mind.”

“So you want this baby as much as I do?” she said unsure.

“I think so, yes.” He stretched out his arms to embrace her. She leaned forward into his strong arms. The memories came flooding back and they both realised how much love they shared for each other. ‘Angels’ started to play in their minds and they relived that precious moment together 6 months earlier. Patrick pulled away from their embrace.

“Holly. I…I…Love you.” Holly beamed at him, tears trickling down her face.

“I love you too.” He hugged her once again. After a few minutes Patrick broke their silence.

“People will be wondering where I have got to.”

“Yeah sure.”

He rose from the blue couch and placed his hand upon the door handle.

“By the way, is it a boy or a girl?” he questioned.

“If you knew would it make any difference?” she paused, looking at him. “I don’t know anyhow because I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Part 10

Holly had stayed at the hospital most of the day. By the time Patrick’s long shift ended she was ready to leave. She met up with him at reception. As she entered the waiting area she recognised him stood leaning on the reception desk talking to a male nurse who Holly had never met before. He spotted her and invited her over.

“Holly this is Dillon, he is a nurse here now.” He said introducing them.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Dillon said politely.

“Hello. I’m Holly, I used to be the SHO here.” They shook hands then Holly stood back and smiled.

Colette rushed past.

“Dillon you’re needed in resus now!” she shouted and they both dashed off to deal with a victim of a stabbing.

“I should be going to find a hotel now. They will be full if I leave it too long.” Holly said.

“Hotel?” Patrick said questioningly. “Why do you need a hotel?”

“Because I will need somewhere to sleep tonight.” She explained.

“Oh well I thought maybe you could stay at my place…if you want to that is.”

She smiled “That would be great.”

The pair headed towards the exit and out into the car park.

“Oh I just remembered I can’t drive you.”

Holly smiled again and suggested getting the bus. Patrick frowned. Holly knew he wasn’t used to getting the bus. He eventually agreed and they set off towards the bus stop.

Patrick led Holly up his garden path and unlocked the door. He stepped aside to let Holly in first. She stepped up the step and wiped her feet on the mat. She gazed around at the pale, cream coloured walls and laminated hallway. A door on the right led through to the sitting room and straight ahead was the kitchen.

“You can go through you know.” Patrick said when he saw Holly stood in the hallway.

She pushed open the panelled door into a modern living room. Again the walls were a pale colour and the floor was laminated. In the centre of the room was a white rug.

Holly walked over to a white sofa in the corner and sat down.

Part 11

“Can I get you a drink?” Patrick asked politely.

“No I’m fine I just want to get to bed really.”

“Yes sure, I’ll go and clear my room so it is habitable.”

“Look the sofa is fine for one night.”

Patrick refused and eventually persuaded her to sleep in a proper bed.

At 9:00am Patrick’s alarm went off. Holly woke up startled. As she switched off the alarm a hand rapped lightly on the panelled door.

“Come in.” she called. Holly raised her body to a sitting position.

“I brought you a cup of tea. I’ll just leave it here.” He said leaning towards the small pine bedside table. He turned to exit the bedroom but Holly stopped him.

“Patrick? What are we going to do about this?” se asked cautiously.

“About what?”

“What do you think? The baby. I can’t stay here at your house when we aren’t together.” She paused.

“Why can’t we try and be together? When the baby is born we could be a proper family.”

“It seems like you are just doing this for the sake of our baby not because you love me.”

“Holly I love you so much I can’t put it in to words. I have always been so scared that you didn’t want me that I never expressed my true feelings properly. That day Tom came back to Holby I had tried to but it came out all wrong.” Patrick tried to explain.

Part 12

“Shhh.” Holly whispered placing a finger on his lips to quieten him. ”None of that matters now. That is all in the past.”

"The stuff with Tom may be in the past, but my love for you isn't! I've no doubt it will last forever, and I hope that you'll return the favour, but just remember this isn't just because of the baby it's because of us" Patrick persuasively whispered.

Holly sat blot upright on the bed. She had been a bit taken back by Patrick’s new revelations, she had thought he still cared for her, but she never knew he felt as strongly as this! She wiped her red eyes with the back of her hand. She was still a bit shocked after the piercing alarm had woken her abruptly. She reached over for her tea, still retaining eye contact. She was at a loss as what to say, he was still staring intently at her, she had to say something to show him her feelings. After taking a sip from her mug of tea she replaced it to its original position beside her. Eventually she spoke.

“ Patrick, I never knew you felt the same way.” Holly continued to struggle with her words.” You never wanted to tell me how you felt, it was always a massive secret from me and everyone else for that matter. That night before I left, I thought we would stay together for ever but then in the morning it felt all wrong.”

Now it was Patrick’s turn to silence her. "Hol, I never told you how I felt because I was embarrassed, it was never because I didn't feel love or anything for you. You…you have no idea how special you are to me! You're my first, and hopefully last love! And after I lost you before, then again, I now realize I shouldn't run away from my emotions any more and confront them face on! ”He paused. “ Holly I love you" Patrick said determinedly overcoming his fear. Anxiously he waited for the reply he so desired. Would she reply? Patrick looked deep in her hazel eyes, was there anything there, he hoped immensely there was. She started to open her mouth, but what would her reply be?

Part 13

Holly’s eyes dropped to stare at the bed covers. Another tear escaped from the corner of her eye and fell on to the duvet. Patrick reached out and pulled her hands into his.

“Patrick…” she stammered. “I ... I… feel the same way” Patrick smiled broadly for a moment but was soon shunned back into disappointment when he heard Holly speak the word “but”.

“But,” she repeated, “We can't just jump back into this, we need to have building blocks to build this relationship on, not just jump back into bed and we're there! And I know we have a child, and to me that is even more of a reason not to rush things. This child needs a loving family, not just something based on the physical side of things. And if we go slowly we'll get there. I have only just come back from Germany after all.”

Patrick beamed once again. “Anything you say Hol,”

Holly pulled away from Patrick. “I need to know that you aren’t just agreeing with me for the sake of it, you have to truly mean it.” She paused. “And we need to be able to trust each other properly to make this relationship work. That’s where we went wrong before. You were always jealous when I was with Ed.”

“Hey, I thought I told you I wasn’t jealous of him. I was envious.” There was a gap in the conversation.

Patrick spoke once more. ”So you are willing to give this relationship a try again then?” he stared intently at Holly.

“Yes Patrick, yes I am willing to give it a go again, but remember we have to take things steady for the sake of us and the baby.”

Part 14

It had been several weeks since Holly had left Frankfurt and come back to Holby. She was sat curled up on the white sofa in Patrick’s lounge. She was watching ER, one of her favourite programmes when the phone suddenly rang. She reached across a sleeping Patrick to answer it.

“Hello,” Holly said sleepily. It was Max who spoke at the other end of the line.

“Hi is Patrick there?” he asked.

“Yep sure, I’ll just get him.” Holly replied as she started shaking him out of his deep sleep. He ignored her until she started to speak to him.

“Patrick! Wake up! Max is on the phone, he needs to talk to you.”

With that he woke up and snatched the phone out of her hand.

“Max?” He said, trying to make his voice sound like he had been awake all the time.

“I know it’s your night off but you are going to have to come in tonight. We need all the doctors we can. St Thomas’ Casualty is closed and our department is over flowing, plus we are short on doctors.”

After a few minutes of persuasion Patrick agreed and within 10minutes he was stood at the door putting his coat on and apologizing to Holly.

“Hol, I’m really sorry. They wouldn’t have phoned me if they weren’t really desperate.”

“Patrick really it is fine. One night on my own, I’m sure I will cope. Anyway I have me ER videos to keep me company.” They both smiled.

Patrick turned and opened the door. “Bye” he called.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Holly said grinning. Patrick returned to the front door and gave he a kiss.

“Bye” Holly said watching him go. Then she closed the door.

Part 15

Once again Holly sat down and pulled her legs up beneath her on to the sofa. She aimed the remote at the television and pressed play as ER’s theme tune began playing.

As the credits rolled an hour later and she heard the theme tune once again, Holly pressed stop and pulled herself up from the sofa. She walked barefoot on to the laminate floor in Patrick’s kitchen. She poured herself as glass of orange juice from the fridge and turned to go back to the lounge. As she was walking back a painful twinge in her stomach stopped her. She yelled out in pain and the glass she had been carrying fell to the floor with a crash as it shattered in to tiny pieces. She was in immense pain but managed to stagger back through to the lounge and fell on to the sofa.

“This can’t be happening. Please no.” She said to herself as she clutched her stomach and dialed the hospital number on the phone.

“Holby A&E, how can I help you?” was the cheerful answer from the other end of the phone.

“Jack, its Holly. You have to get Patrick now. I need to speak to him.”

“Holly hi, I think Patrick is in resus right now.”

“I don’t care where he is just go and get him please Jack.” Holly winced with pain and Jack instantly knew something was wrong.

A few moments later she heard Patrick’s anxious voice in her ear.

She explained the situation and Patrick told her to stay where she was as he was coming over to get her.

In A&E he pressed down the receiver and rushed to the staff room to grab his coat. As he came out he went flying into Charlie.

“Patrick, whoa slow down.” Charlie said.

“I can’t. It’s Holly. I’ll have to go and bring her in.” he gasped and with that he was off.

Part 16

Within minutes Patrick was turning the key in his front door. He could hear Holly in the front room crying out in pain. He burst through the door to find her lying on the sofa. He rushed over to her and knelt down by her side.

“Holly,” he cried.

“Patrick, I think I’m going into labour.”

“It’s ok, I’m here now.” He said, squeezing her hand tightly.

Moments later Patrick was helping Holly into his car and not long after the arrived at the hospital and Holly was brought inside the department and into resus.

“Holly because you are this premature you won’t be able to have the baby naturally.” Colette was trying to explain. “And also we have phoned surgery they are full so we will have to call Mr. Davis and he will have to perform an emergency cesarean down here.”

“Ok,” Holly replied weakly. Medical staff rushed around the room and she could hear people talking to her but all she could think of was the baby. Patrick was at her side holding her hand. Eventually Owen Davis arrived from upstairs. Holly was awake for the procedure. Owen scrubbed up and then got to work.

10 minutes later Owen spoke to Holly and Patrick.

“Congratulations you have a baby boy.” Holly managed a faint smile.

“Pressures down.”

Patrick looked up startled. “What’s wrong? You have to do something!”

“She’s bleeding badly but I can’t find where from.” Owen explained.

“Well do something!”

“Patrick calm down, I’m doing all I can.”

Part 17

Patrick had to leave the room and watch from outside. He had been told to go and see his baby in Intensive care but he couldn’t leave her. He felt so helpless just standing outside watching the woman he loved possibly die. Tears trickled down his face but he soon wiped them away incase a member of staff saw him. His eyes focused on the bed directly in front of him through the reinforced glass. After what seemed like an age the bed was wheeled through the double doors past Patrick and into the nearby lift. Medical staff ran along next to it struggling to keep up. They disappeared into the lift and the doors closed behind them. Life in A&E was back to normal and resus soon filled up with different patients. Patrick still stood there by the door his eyes now focused on the lift. Eventually he moved and went via the stairs to Intensive care where both holly and his tiny baby were staying. He asked a nurse at the desk and she led him to Holly’s room. He daren’t enter. She was unconscious but he couldn’t bare the thought of her lying there injured. He felt he had to do something to help her but there was nothing anyone could do now. They had to wait to see if she would wake up or not. He couldn’t find the courage inside him to enter her room so he went down the corridor to find his son.

He walked steadily up to the incubator and peered inside. He was so tiny and was even more helpless than his mother. He was attached to several different machines and one of them was helping him to breathe. He had tubes leading from his miniature body.

Part 18

He pulled open the door of the incubator as quietly as possible and reached his hand inside. The tiny figure wriggled slightly as his father touched him.

“Hello.” Patrick said. That was all he could think of saying. “I’m sorry if I say strange things. I don’t know what to say to you.” He paused. “Your mum is going to be alright though you know. She’s a fighter.”

Patrick pulled his hand out because he thought he would look stupid talking to a premature baby that wouldn’t be able to understand him anyway. He turned to look around the room. The only other person was a nurse monitoring one of the other babies in the unit. He leant over his son once again and placed his hand through the hole once again. He touched the baby’s head and emotion flowed over him.

“I’m not going to cry you know.” Patrick whispered to his son. “You’re beautiful. Just like your Mum. I’ve got to go and see her now. I’ll be back soon though. Bye bye.”

He closed the small door and left the room. He turned the corner and went up to the door and gazed through the window on to the bed. She was also attached to machines monitoring her heart rate and helping her breathe. She was on a drip and blood was being pumped into her body. Her eyes were closed but she still looked beautiful with her long brown her swept back behind her ears. Her face was pale because of the loss of blood.

He rested his hand on the metal door handle and pressed down. He pushed open the door and slowly walked inside. He tiptoed over towards the bed and pulled up a chair. He sat down and reached his hand towards hers.

Part 19

“Hello Mum.” He smiled. “I’ve just been to see our son. He’s beautiful, just like you.” He paused. Was there even any point in talking to her? Could she hear him?

“You are going to have to wake up soon and go and see him. We will have to give him a name as well. Come on Holly please wake up now. If not for me then for your son. Please“

But still he got no response. He sat by her bedside for 40-45minutes, perhaps even an hour. He lost track of the time. He turned quickly when a nurse entered the room through the door behind him.

“I’ve just come to check on everything.” She smiled warmly.

Patrick pulled his hand out of Holly’s and let it fall silently on to the bed.

“You should keep talking to her. There is quite a good chance that she will be able to hear you.” The nurse told him kindly.

Patrick ignored her comment, stood up abruptly and replaced the chair to where it had been before.

“I’m going to get a coffee. I won’t be too long.” He said quietly and exited the room.

As he stepped into the corridor, Patrick sighed. What was he supposed to do now? He wasn’t hungry or thirsty but neither could he bear the thought or leaving the hospital building and going home knowing that both the woman he loved and his son were critically ill in intensive care wards.

Patrick knew he should tell someone about Holly. He had a number for her parents somewhere. That somewhere was at home though. They deserved to know about what was going on but what if he left and something happened? He turned and walked towards the lift door. He pressed the button and waited for it to come up. When he stepped inside it was empty. The door opened on the ground floor and he entered the emergency department.

Part 20

He wandered down the corridor looking out for a member of staff he knew well. He reached reception and bumped into Chloe.

“Patrick, What’s going on with Holly is everything all right?”

“I hope so. Look I have to go home and get Holly’s parents number. Can you take a break and go up and stay with her? I don’t fancy leaving her on her own. You can go see our son as well if you like.”

“I’d love to!” Chloe replied cheerfully. Patrick smiled thankfully and turned to leave through the double doors.

“And Patrick don’t worry about her. She is in safe hands, they both are.” She smiled reassuringly.

Patrick exited the department and stepped outside. It was early November and a cold rush of wind greeted him as he stepped out into the icy air. He pulled his jacket tightly around him and set off across the car park out to the bus stop. He was only waiting for a minute or so before a single Decker bus pulled up beside him. It halted and he climbed on. He paid for his ticket and sat down next to a window. The journey would only have taken a few minutes by car he thought to himself complaining. The bus seemed to stop at every stop for people to get on and off. Eventually it turned into his street and he got off a few doors from his house. He reached the door and began fumbling in his pocket for his keys. He pulled them out and placed them in the lock and turned. He pushed open the door and shut it quickly behind him before too much heat escaped. He checked his answer machine for messages but discovered that there were none.

Part 21

Patrick pulled open the draw and began rummaging inside. He was searching for the telephone number of Holly’s parents. He stopped and looked up. He can’t just phone them and tell them their daughter has just given birth to his son and they are both in intensive care. They deserved to know but he knew he couldn’t be the one to tell them. His eyes fell upon a small photograph of him when he was younger. They had been taken in a photo booth years ago…with Holly. She looked so beautiful. She was grinning happily. But now she may never smile again. He resumed his search and pulled out a small piece of folded white paper. On it was written a telephone number and some initials, which he struggled to make out. He knew it was the Miles number though.

Patrick had to wait for a further half an hour before the next bus pulled up at the stop. He arrived a few minutes later at the hospital. He hadn’t wanted to leave Holly for this long. She was in safe hands, Chloe was watching over her.

Once again he stepped onto the landing and walked towards Holly’s room. He opened the door slowly and peeked inside. He glanced around the room. Everything looked the same except Holly. She wasn’t there!

Part 22

He dashed round the corner to the nurses’ station. It was empty. As he spun round he bumped into a doctor.

“He girlfriend, Holly Miles, where is she what has happened?” Patrick asked frantically.

“Holly Miles? The one who had the baby?” the doctor replied calmly.

“Yes Holly!”

“Don’t worry sir, everything is fine. We just had to move her to a normal ward because we needed the room.”

Patrick breathed a sigh of relief. “Well where is she then? Can I see her?”

“Yes I’ll just find the ward first.” He reached walked over to a board on the wall and ran his finger down till he found the correct name he then read off the room and turned to Patrick.

“Just follow me then.”

Patrick walked through the door and spotted Holly across the room. She was near the window and by her bedside was Chloe. She saw him approaching and stood up.

“Everything ok Patrick?” Chloe questioned.

Patrick nodded briefly and walked towards the bed. He slowly sat down on the chair beside it and pulled Holly’s hand into his.

“I went to see your son.” Chloe said. ”He really is beautiful.”

“I know that,” he paused. “It’s Holly who doesn’t know.”

Patrick felt his hand twitch. But it wasn’t him who had moved it.

He looked up and stared into Holly’s face. He thought he saw a flicker of an eyelid. He stood up and moved closer to her.

“Holly. Can you hear me?”

Gradually Holly’s eyelids eased open to show her dark hazel eyes. She was confused. What was Patrick doing there? And Chloe, she looked so different.

“What happened?” she asked weakly, still in a daze.

A large grin spread across Patrick’s face. He looked at Chloe who was also smiling then turned to answer Holly’s question.

“You had the baby, a boy and everything is going to be OK now.” Patrick replied soothingly.

“My baby! Can I see him?”

“I don’t know you may not be well enough yet. I’ll have to ask your doctor. He’s in intensive care because he was premature.”

“I’ll go and tell someone you are awake.” Said Chloe and went to find Holly’s doctor.

Parta 23

Chloe returned three minutes with a middle-aged man dressed in a suit.

The man introduced himself. “Holly I’m Dr Lowe, your Doctor. How are you feeling?”

“Ok, Can I see my baby yet?” Holly asked

“Not just yet. I would like to monitor you for a few more hours yet.”

Holly sighed. Patrick looked just as disappointed as Holly did.

“It’s ok,” he reassured her. “You’ll get to see him soon.” He squeezed Holly’s hand tightly and she managed a weak smile.

Dr Lowe checked Holly notes then left them alone.

“You are not too tired are you?” Patrick asked looking concerned.

“Patrick don’t worry I’m fine.” she paused thinking of what to say next. “What should we call him?”

“I’m sorry?” Patrick seemed confused.

“The baby. What should we call him?”

“Oh yes. Well I don’t know I thought you would have some ideas.”

“The names I decided on wouldn’t be the same names you would like. You’re his father so you should have a say in it. How about James?” she saw the expression on Patrick face and tried again.

“Ryan?” again Patrick looked unimpressed. “Steven?”

“No none of them are right.”

“I said you wouldn’t like my choices. You try if you think you can do better”

“Ben, Thomas, Alexander, Oliver, William? Do even like any of those names?”

“Some of them. Do you like the name Joshua?” Holly asked hopefully. Patrick grinned.

“Perfect. Joshua Spiller. It sounds great.” Patrick said admiringly.

“Hey, I didn’t agree to his surname being Spiller. Maybe I want it to be Miles.” Holly said smiling. She saw Patrick’s smile fade. “We will discuss it later after we have a middle name for him.”

Eventually they decided on Joshua Benjamin. One name chosen by Holly and one by Patrick.

Part 24

Holly stirred in her sleep.

She could hear the music playing softly but she couldn’t see where it was coming from. She couldn’t see anything! She knew he was still there, Tom, keeping her prisoner. Then the voice changed and she was with Patrick, he was helping her breathe. She gasped and felt his strong arms fold around her. He was there and everything would be all right.

She felt a hand shake her from her sleep. It was the same hand as in the dream, Patrick’s. Patrick had seen Dr Lowe approach her bed. She woke up and pulled herself to a sitting position.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” Holly replied.

“So I suppose you are too tired to go and see you baby then?” Dr Lowe said.

“No. I’m fine. Can I really see him?” Holly was now smiling.

“Yes. The ward he is on has agreed to let you see him so Patrick will take you down.”

A nurse brought in a wheel chair and slowly Holly maneuvered herself from the bed into the chair with help from both Patrick and the nurse.

A member of staff pressed in the key code on the door and it swung open with a click. The room lay before her. Holly could her the faint bleeping of machines helping the tiny patients breathe and monitoring their heart rates. She stared around and into the incubators spread evenly around the room.

“Which one is he?” Holly said softly now wanting to wake one of the infants.

The same member of staff, who had let them in, pointed them in the direction of the incubator in the far right hand corner. Holly raised her head to look at Patrick and he pushed her towards the corner. She leant forward, pressed her hand against the glass and gazed in at the contents. Holly smiled. Patrick was grinning widely as he bent forward and flicked the catch on the small rounded side door. He saw Holly’s hesitation and urged her on.

“Go on touch him.” He almost whispered resting his left hand on her shoulder. She gained confidence and reached her outstretched hand into the warm enclosed space. The tiny figure seemed to quiver as she touched his curled palm. She brushed her hand against his soft cheek and he turned his head to face his mother. She smiled. The moment was perfect. She had Patrick and they had a child together. She stared at her son then broke the silence.

“Hello Joshua, I’m your Mum.” Holly introduced herself. It seemed bizarre calling herself Mum. But she would get used to it with time as he grows and their small family grows. Patrick placed a kiss on her forehead brushing her long hair out of the way.

“He’s perfect isn’t he?” Patrick asked.

“Spiller! You’re getting soppy in your old age.” Holly replied. “But yes he is perfect.”

Part 25

Holly rolled over. It was happening again. She thought she was rid of these nightmares that plagued her every night since Tom’s death. For months after the event she had struggled to sleep through the night but eventually they had faded and she could sleep peacefully once again. But now they were back and as bad as before.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t move. Her body was paralyzed, frozen in time. She could hear the movements around her but couldn’t reach them. Then a familiar voice penetrated her thoughts.

“He’s drugged her, she can’t move.” Then he was talking directly to her. “All right Holly, I know you can hear me. You’re going to be alright.”

Holly’s eyes clicked open and she lurched back into reality. She looked up but Patrick wasn’t there. He was probably with Joshua. She needed him to comfort her but he would only worry even if he knew of her nightmares. Maybe it was being in Holby again, in the hospital. She turned her head to the left and looked at the patient lying in the bed next to her. She was in a lot worse way compared to Holly. She was on a ventilator. Holly would be out of there in a few days then she would be able to take Joshua home. She was worried about the future, with Patrick. He never really seemed like the commitment type. Holly never expected him to settle down and start a family even when they were at med school together. He even admitted he hated kids. But now look at him. He was happy with Holly and now they had a son together. Holly’s smile faded when she thought of other families she knew that hadn’t gone according to plan. Charlie, Baz and Louis, Duffy, Andrew and the boys. A tear escaped from her eye when she realized why that family hadn’t worked. It was her fault. It didn’t matter that everyone insisted it wasn’t, she still blamed herself for Andrew’s death and now Duffy was left a single Mum with Peter, Jake and the newest addition, baby Paul. Holly had her own baby now and she knew there was no use in worrying about other people’s problems when she could do nothing about them. The future would take care of itself.

Part 26

The smartly dressed middle-aged man, Holly knew as Dr Lowe was striding briskly in the direction of Holly’s bed. A young spotty med student followed behind him, having to jog every few steps to keep up with his mentor. Holly was propped up, leaning against the metal framework of the bed. Patrick was showing her some of the photos he had taken of Joshua. Even though he had been asleep in most of them, Holly sensed a slight curl in his lips as though he was smiling. She knew that it would be months yet, before he would be able to smile properly but Holly hoped she would bring him up as a happy child. She had always wanted the best for any child she had, loving home and two doting parents. But this wasn’t what Holly had with Patrick yet.

They had been taking things slowly, not wanting to rush things incase it turned out to be the wrong thing. But what holly didn’t know was that Patrick felt so certain that their relationship would be secure this time. Now they had a child together they didn’t just have each other to think about, they had Joshua. Everything they did now had to be good for him. They had his needs to think about. Patrick knew Holly had been feeling uncertain about their relationship and knew he had to do something to show her his feelings. He couldn’t do the boring flowers and chocolates. She deserved more.

Dr Lowe interrupted her stream of thoughts and Holly turned away from the photos and stared up at her Doctor.

“Holly, I have some good news. You will be allowed to go home today.”

Patrick stood up and gave Holly a hug. He then shook Dr Lowe’s hand and then both staff departed.

“Isn’t that wonderful Holly? And soon Joshua will be able to come home too.” Patrick expressed his delight.

Holly smiled but deep down inside she was anxious. Their relationship worried her, even though Patrick had been amazing these past few days. She tried to tell herself that they would be happy. But no matter how hard she tried her mind was still filled with doubts.

What Holly didn’t know was that something was going to happen that would change her world around.

Part 27

Patrick slid the small rounded item into his trouser pocket and patted the side. He took a deep breath. He had butterflies in his stomach and he kept wanting to be sick. He was nervous. He often got this feeling in front of Holly, until recently that was. Now Patrick was ready to show Holly how he truly felt. He had never been good at showing his feelings. He had always thought that it would have made him weak. That’s what his father had told him when his Mum died. He was only 10 and not allowed to mourn his own mother properly. But this had also made Patrick more determined to tell Holly his feelings.

“Don’t be so ridiculous. If she says no then fine, you will love her no matter what.” Patrick insisted on telling himself.

He breathed heavily trying to push the nerves out from inside him. Their love had weathered 6 years apart from each other. And now Patrick was ready to reveal that he still loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Patrick stepped away from the mirror and out of the door; he turned to walk back up the corridor and onto the ward where Holly had being staying. She was standing at the bed, folding her clothes neatly and packing her bag. As he entered the ward she looked up, smiling.

“Hey, I’m nearly ready.”

“It’s Ok. Take as long as you like.” He was trying to put it off for as long as possible.

Eventually they left the hospital. Patrick carrying Holly’s bag while Holly gently cradled Joshua in her arms. They reached the car and Holly climbed in the back to sit with her son. Patrick was driving unusually slow, partly because he didn’t want to risk an accident with the two people in the world her loved the most and the other reason was because of his nerves.

Eventually they reached Patrick’s house and the whole family climbed out and made their way up the path to the front door. Joshua was sleeping and Holly took him straight upstairs to the bedroom where a travel cot had been set up. When Holly came back down again a few minutes later, Patrick was waiting for her.

“Patrick is there something wrong?” Holly questioned, after noticing his strange behavior. Patrick was unsure on how to reply.

“Well not really… Holly there’s something I have to ask you.” Holly continued to the bottom of the stairs then stopped. Patrick was gazing at the carpet in silence. Holly spoke softly.

“Patrick, what is it?”

He plunged his hand into his left trouser pocket and it emerged clasping the small ring box. He heard Holly release a gasp of air as he knelt down on one knee. Held opened the box to reveal a glistening diamond set into a silver ring.

Patrick struggled with the words but managed to say,

“Holly Miles, will you marry me?”

He looked up and waited for the reply to come.

“Yes. I will marry you.” They both grinned and Patrick stood up quickly and hugged Holly tightly lifting her off her feet. He was never going to let her go. They were together, forever!